Jo Hemmings, author of The Dating Game, The Little Black Book and Be Your Own Dating Coach, trained as a psychologist before becoming a dating coach and relationships consultant. She has written for the Daily Mail,the Daily Mirror, Glamour and Cosmopolitan and has made regular appearances as the relationships expert on The Trisha Show and Radio 4's 'Woman's Hour'. She is available for private/groups tuition on flirting, dating, body language and relationships in general.

In her own words she is:

'A woman with a little common sense, an irreverent sense of humour as well as a grip on reality, a smattering of 'expert' knowledge, considerable interest in how the dynamics of relationships work, some very close and long-suffering girlfriends and a fairly long and mixed history of dating. I know how tough it can be out there:-;'

She acts as a dating coach for Meet at Last and for dating seminars and events. Find out more at her site or go along to one of her date coaching events at Meet at Last. She is currently writing The Relationship Detox Programme: six weeks to turn your life around, to be made into an 8 part TV series for BBC2 later in 2006. This excerpt from 'The Dating Game' is reproduced with her permission.

2. THE SINGLE LIFE: Alone versus Lonely

Firstly let’s establish what we mean by being alone and what we mean by being lonely. Both terms are loaded with value judgements. Alone is sometimes a sad word, though by no means always and lonely is pretty much always a sorry state of affairs.

Alone is a descriptive state. I’m typing this book alone. No one else is in the house, it’s a Sunday afternoon, I’m listening to some Latin American music on the CD player and I’ve got a half-decent glass of Chablis at my side. Am I lonely? Most definitely not. I’m actually quite happy about being alone right now – I have space, independence, no make up on and I’m at peace with myself. Greta Garbo once famously said ‘I vant to be alone’ and we all need that solitude from time to time – to gather our thoughts, eat toast and marmite in bed with the Sunday papers, or simply to catch up on paperwork or watch our favourite soap in peace and solitude. A pretty good state of affairs all in all, as long as it doesn’t take over our lives.

Even then, a protracted period of ‘aloneness’ isn’t the same as being lonely. You can be lonely when you’re busy, part of a couple or in a crowd. Loneliness is a state of mind, reflecting the individual's mood. It has nothing to do with the your physical proximity to other people but everything to do with intimacy, the life blood of what makes us function as contented and fulfilled people.

When a relationship comes to an end you will often find yourself spending much more time alone. With that, comes a significant loss – of love, companionship, and routine. If you are able to reflect on the past and have the determination to move on you will find solace in solitude – that feeling of space and freedom. If you hide away and mourn, the sense of loneliness merely intensifies. Easier said than done, I know. The quiet around you reminds you of your loss. Your restlessness and lack of motivation makes even watching TV, reading or doing simple household tasks seem pointless and therefore nigh on impossible.